Transformation: Again??

Searching. Struggling. Frustrated. Overwhelmed. Anyone else feel like they must be getting their masters in chaos and confusion? I couldn’t feel more off track or out of touch with what I am truly meant to be doing. Well, I could. If I were homeless and alone. But still! And I know most people understand why my house looks this way.  I could pull the I-have-5-kids card and most think I’m doing pretty well “under-the-circumstances.”  But I’m not under my circumstances.  This is my life!  I was called to it.  And consistently feeling like I’m not accessing my full potential is irritating. I’ve been a broken record of whining about tendencies and self-sabatoge for nearly 13 years now. And I’m tired of it. STILL!

But I don’t have to wait here to see if I’m still suffering and grouchy about being in the same shoes for the next 10 plus years, do I? No. I can choose something else.
(At this point, I’d almost choose ANY thing else.)
But it isn’t as easy as just choosing something different and being new over night.

Or is it?

I want to tackle this and “cocoon up” so I can look forward to having the butterfly part of my life that much sooner.

crysolis to butterflyIt’s time. I seriously refuse to waste another year or month spinning wheels mucking‘ around in this much self confusion and frustration.  I am just sure I could put my energy into something way more worth while.

Lord help me, I’m going to MOVE FORWARD.  A BIG step.  Maybe it will be 5 baby steps put together.  But it will be bigger.  noticable.  Good.  Good changes.  Better choices for me.

And just so I don’t get anyone all sidetracked saying how I HAVE been changing over the years and how I’ve HAVE grown so much. I agree I’ve changed and grown.  Some.  But I am still sitting in a messy house with a cloudy brain feeling overwhelmed by simple day-to-day tasks. So, enough head-work. This isn’t how I want to live. This is a new day and I want to grab hold like I’ve just been diagnosed with something. Something life changing. NO– perspective changing. I want to honor people whose lives were cut short by actually LIVING mine. In the best way possible.

And my small choices everyday are NOT adding up to that. Yet.

Watch if you like. Join me if you like. But I am going on the transformation ride of my life time. And I’m not giving up until I can only say these feelings of falling short and missing the mark are memories more than daily companions.

Here is my plan so far:
1) List my priorities in life. Get them all down and put them in order of importance.
2) Document what I do in a typical day.
3) Take a good, real look at how often throughout the day I am putting time into something other than my top priorities.
4) Reorganize my daily routines to best redirect my time toward that which has me focused on my priorities instead of distracting me from them.



Set . . .


Really.  Let’s do this.  Anyone with me?


11 thoughts on “Transformation: Again??

  1. When my kids were young, I had certainly put in the time towards a Master’s in chaos. Finally not wanting to have that degree, I cried out to the God of Order, Jesus Christ. I had the most precious mentor put in my life and she taught me how to prioritize: 1. Relationship with God 2. Relationship with husband 3. Relationship with children. Now that my children are leaving our home and going out into this big world, I can testify that it sharpen my focus on truly the important things of this life.
    God has caused this desire in you for focus and He will not disappoint.
    Isaiah 44:3
    For I will pour water on him who is thirsty, and floods on the dry ground. I will pour My spirit on your seed, and My blessing on your offspring;

    • Wow. Thank you so much for posting this. It is so comforting to hear from your side of this life. Funny you should mention, because my priorities were written out by me in just this way with these top three. I’d love your prayers for my side of the journey, and I will include you in mine. And I’m sure, from what you say, The Lord is saying, “Well done good and faithful servant,” over you right now. Amazing comfort this exact verse is. I will be posting it somewhere prominent. Thank you for taking the time to post such kind and empathetic encouragement.

      • Kaycee, this is your cousin, Nancey. I set up this blog account in my social media class but I’m not good at figuring out how to use it now that I had to drop the class. Blame it on my priorities. 🙂

  2. Been having similar feelings lately. I’ve been blaming it on my move, but the reality is that I have felt stuck for a long time. Rob (you know him) says its a mid-life crisis. I responded: for 13 years? I’ll watch your journey and try to keep up. Love you my dear friend!

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