Transformation: Again??

Searching. Struggling. Frustrated. Overwhelmed. Anyone else feel like they must be getting their masters in chaos and confusion? I couldn’t feel more off track or out of touch with what I am truly meant to be doing. Well, I could. If I were homeless and alone. But still! And I know most people understand why my house looks this way.  I could pull the I-have-5-kids card and most think I’m doing pretty well “under-the-circumstances.”  But I’m not under my circumstances.  This is my life!  I was called to it.  And consistently feeling like I’m not accessing my full potential is irritating. I’ve been a broken record of whining about tendencies and self-sabatoge for nearly 13 years now. And I’m tired of it. STILL!

But I don’t have to wait here to see if I’m still suffering and grouchy about being in the same shoes for the next 10 plus years, do I? No. I can choose something else.
(At this point, I’d almost choose ANY thing else.)
But it isn’t as easy as just choosing something different and being new over night.

Or is it?

I want to tackle this and “cocoon up” so I can look forward to having the butterfly part of my life that much sooner.

crysolis to butterflyIt’s time. I seriously refuse to waste another year or month spinning wheels mucking‘ around in this much self confusion and frustration.  I am just sure I could put my energy into something way more worth while.

Lord help me, I’m going to MOVE FORWARD.  A BIG step.  Maybe it will be 5 baby steps put together.  But it will be bigger.  noticable.  Good.  Good changes.  Better choices for me.

And just so I don’t get anyone all sidetracked saying how I HAVE been changing over the years and how I’ve HAVE grown so much. I agree I’ve changed and grown.  Some.  But I am still sitting in a messy house with a cloudy brain feeling overwhelmed by simple day-to-day tasks. So, enough head-work. This isn’t how I want to live. This is a new day and I want to grab hold like I’ve just been diagnosed with something. Something life changing. NO– perspective changing. I want to honor people whose lives were cut short by actually LIVING mine. In the best way possible.

And my small choices everyday are NOT adding up to that. Yet.

Watch if you like. Join me if you like. But I am going on the transformation ride of my life time. And I’m not giving up until I can only say these feelings of falling short and missing the mark are memories more than daily companions.

Here is my plan so far:
1) List my priorities in life. Get them all down and put them in order of importance.
2) Document what I do in a typical day.
3) Take a good, real look at how often throughout the day I am putting time into something other than my top priorities.
4) Reorganize my daily routines to best redirect my time toward that which has me focused on my priorities instead of distracting me from them.

Ready?

Ready?!

Set . . .

GO!!

Really.  Let’s do this.  Anyone with me?

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Not Alone

Times have changed. Women will go to great lengths to try to be all we can be these days.  But there was a time (not that long ago) that those words were just an Army slogan and not so much a way to look at life as a woman.  I know the 70’s completed a transition that many women from the past fought hard for over 50 years just in the US alone.  But was there something strange that came along as a by-product when women gained new rights?  When women went to work in a man’s world, what did they leave behind?

In many ways they left pieces of their carefully woven sisterhood lying all around.  When we became more independent and we stopped living near our aunts, grandmothers, sisters and mothers, we left behind a built-in support system that has long since been stretched and thinned.  In leaving this behind, we gained so much, because we grew into people who can reach new heights and stand alone.  We might not “need” a man or a husband.  We can break away from our parents and stop listening to our mothers (let alone our aunts).  We can forge our own lives and break molds and have children and jobs whenever we please and be equal partners with the fathers of our children or never know those fathers at all.

But somehow, day after day, in our own houses and as we work our jobs, over time we can get to feeling we’re all alone.  As women, we can work, clean, battle, survive, love, cook, eat, serve, struggle, pray, laugh, and sometimes cry. And many times we do all this alone.   We have a responsibility to continually keep rising above our ever-changing roles.  Perhaps because the women of our past truly did sacrifice so much so we could live these lives.  But, back then they had the bond of womanhood and the well-known roles that part in this life assigned to them because they were women. And they had the women who had done it before them at their side to show them the way.

Now we are living in a completely different era than our mothers, aunts or grandmothers before us ever did. We are sisters in this new age where we as mothers give out consequences for children instead of JUST BECAUSE I SAID SO or GO GET THE SWITCH. We have husbands who love and support us in a brand new way for men and sometimes it causes a new kind of stress and different expectations on women. We don’t cook from scratch (as much) or milk the cow or churn the butter and rise the bread (very often).  Today we spend that time battling with how to balance between utilizing technology (the iPhones, the laptops, the On Demand cable) to be the Super Moms we think we might be expected to be and the ginormous distraction the thousands of texts, emails, and Facebook posts can be when thrown at us 100 different ways every day.

We are distracted at every turn from the possibility of living our full potential in this lifetime.  We use to know what our “job” was.  Now we struggle with knowing what we think we need to know (like the best buy on toilet paper this week, and where to keep the schedule for our entire family without losing our minds–God forbid that simply be on paper) all while filtering out what keeps us from having enough time to “do it all”.

I know I’m not alone.  I know I have my Creator and my Savior, so I know in that way I am not alone in this life or on this journey.  (Thankfully)

I also have a best friend who married me and who stands by my side daily to help raise the 5 little people we were so blessed to help bring into this world.

But when my best friend goes to work and I am here in this house living this role that no one can ever give you the instruction manual for, it is God and the other women in my life I rely on to get me through my day.  I don’t know what I would do without either of them.  And I believe God placed those women (and my husband and children) in my life purposefully so that I could feel His love for me here on this Earth every day.

I’m so blessed to have all of my friends and all of my sisters — the ones I have from their birth and the ones who came along later.  I’m incredibly grateful for both of my mothers — my own and my husband’s.  All of these women were carefully selected to be their own version of a handmade blessing in my life.  Each of them help to remind me that “alone” is just a perception.

We all stand together bonded by the ever evolving roles we have as women, mothers, daughters, sisters, wives and friends.  So, I will acknowledge, love, hug, support, encourage (and yes, even message) the women in my life as much as I can. Because we are living in this new and sometimes crazy world . . . together. And we are only as together in this as we feel. And today we only feel that same togetherness our fore-sisters felt when they baked and sewed together when we make the time to reach out.

So let us reach out. Let’s remind each other that we are not alone. Women are in transition.  We are setting the new standards of womanhood, of motherhood, and of sisterhood that our own daughters will watch and follow. So let’s raise each other up, point our eyes to our priorities, and encourage each other. Maybe it’s not going to be over a quilt while we are stitching our fingers raw, but it can be over a cup of tea, or a homemade sandwich, or heck . . . even over the Internet.

With love,
Kaycee